Blackjack Pizza

Toilets in the women's restroom that are on a platform that makes you feel like your peeing onstage count: 1

Credit cards accepted count: 0

People ask why I'm such a cheap ass. They're like, "Why do I have to pay for your lunch all the time, Alice?" and "How come you eat dinner at your mom and dad's house so much?" and "When are you gonna stop bringing your old popcorn bag to the movie theater trying to get a free refill?" And to those people, I say, "Chocolate-covered strawberry waffle balls." And they're like, "Don't call me that." And I'm like, "chicken-fried bacon." And then they're really confused, and I have to explain that I eat cheap most days so I can save up for a little time of year I fondly refer to as Heaventime, that time of year when the Texas State Fair opens its doors and the friedfest begins—but only if you've got enough bank to afford it.

In my attempts to save up some cash for Fried Awareness Month, I've come across some other kickass lunch establishments. Bonus. One such place sits within post-funnel-cake walking distance of the State Fair and offers up quite a tasty burger. I'm talking about Blackjack Pizza. You heard me right. It's a pizza joint that serves a mean burger. I ordered the cheeseburger, fries and a drink. I think my total was somewhere just over five bucks. Awesome. As I was waiting for my food (and there is a standard wait of about 15 minutes), somebody next to me received a pizza. This "personal pizza" (which had to be as big as my head) looked so good I almost jumped across my table to steal a bite. But, I took a deep breath, got distracted by the lady on Court TV who kept saying her wedding cake looked like something that came out of the "terlet," and I held out for my burger. After the first bite of heaven-sent burgerness, it was clear to me that I had made the right order decision. Holy yum. This burger is no wimpy, thin patty. Hell no. We're talking some serious burgerage here. The cheese was still oozy too. Love that.

All the food was so effin' delicious. The only drawback was that I slipped into a food coma as I was driving my car out of the parking lot. So, if I were you I'd designate a driver to come with you and abstain from the awesomeness. Either that, or order to go.